Field Report No. 001

Cannot swim. Hates the ocean. Won't sink.

Buoy CAT waits for the next green wave like a menace to Poseidon.

launching on pump.fun

Buoy Cat sitting on a wet rock in orange arm floaties as a wave crashes behind him

Exhibit A, the rock

Water hates him back

Badge Line

Unsinkable Since: Today Ocean Sentiment: Hostile Swim Skill: None

The strip lives to the right of the splash, clicking softly as if it were a pool thermometer. Numbers don't climb; they shrug and hover at 101% like a dare.

Buoyancy

101%

Field Tests

Buoy Cat riding a wave on a yellow board

Unsupervised, as usual

Test 01

Kiddie Pool

Reaction: bored blink

Outcome: refused to go under even when the plastic whale cannon fired.

Test 02

Harbor Chop

Reaction: squint of contempt

Outcome: bobbed between mini whitecaps, drifted back to the rock like it owned the marina.

Test 03

Bathtub Disaster

Reaction: offended side-eye

Outcome: water everywhere, pride intact, towel destroyed.

The DUNK Button

Still Afloat

Tap it. The screen splashes, the status blips to Submerged, then pops right back. Poseidon remains irritated.

Operator Notes

Staging

Bright flat vector, clean background, one slick rock, one mid-splash curl frozen behind him. Same exact Buoy Cat in every panel. Motion stays lively: slow bob, badge tick, splash overlay on dunk.

Props

Orange arm floaties that squeak once. No towels provided.

Purchase

The buy control above stays muted until launch, because, like the cat, we're not going anywhere.